WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
