Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He? As in you personified your dick?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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