so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
