drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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