If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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