I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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