do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
