Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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