Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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