Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
