And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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