Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
