Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize