1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize