I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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