discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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