Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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