and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
