We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
