You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
