Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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