i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
