FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
