you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
