fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
