My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
