If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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