when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
