we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
