dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
