i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
