I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
