There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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