I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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