So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
