i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
