i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?