Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.