I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The Olympian is in my bed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"