dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.