And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?