i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck