When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out