I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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