I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
