don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
