I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
