All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
