She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
