C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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