i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am one with the molecules
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
