Rock
Scissors
Fuck
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
