he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
