you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Randomize
