He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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