grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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