I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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