it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
