If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm too high and old for this...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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