The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
