I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
