Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
