Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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