Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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