when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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