"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
