Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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