The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
