What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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