The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
