I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
