Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
