I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
