Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
