It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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