He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
