everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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