I hope mine doesn't look like that
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
