Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
