i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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