I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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