i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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