She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we made out on top of his cat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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