Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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