You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
