bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
