Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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