and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
