My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize