I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize