Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
