dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
