i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
