he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
