at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
