I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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