I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
