You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
